When Goodbyes Begin and Panic Sets In

With this weekend came the first of the Goodbyes. I had a great weekend out, beginning with a night out in D.C. It ends up that a rather good portion of my friends either live in the D.C. or are closer to it then to Wilmington, which actually worked out quite nicely :-) It was the first time most of us had been out together despite having been friends for a dozen or so years.  It was nice to be able to get it together and hang out with some great friends.

It was the first time we were all together in along time and the first time we had been out at all with husbands and boyfriends.  Lucky guys ;-) Though, really, I can't believe even one of us (Jen) is married. I'm starting to feel old :-(

And I got to see some faves from Korea time! Wish I had gotten to spend more time with them, it was awesome to see people I saw all the time during my year and Korea and like not at all since being home. 

You two better make the trip to Guyana!

I spent the night watching movies and drinking wine with another of my favorites, Glynnis! Unfortunately, no pics. Overall, a pretty awesome weekend!

And it was the beginning of the 'Goodbyes' First with Jen and Matt and continuing from there.  It was really kind of surreal; it didn't feel like I was leaving them for 2 years, it felt like any other 'See ya later' kind of goodbye. Some are planning to visit, and I think a few actually will and I don't necessarily see them that often when I'm home anyway.  But they are accessible by phone and we do talk a lot, I know what's going on in their lives and see them when possible.  That's not going to be so easy from Guyana. I know there's Skype, but who knows if I'll have electricity, much less internet.

So, I made it through saying goodbye to my closest friends without tears or panic.  However, despite having slept very little Friday and Saturday, come Sunday night I couldn't fall asleep.  I was just laying in bed, mid running in circles, thinking 'What the hell am I doing? Why do I want to leave the comfort and security of home and friends?' My mind was spinning.  I 'm excited to go, don't get me wrong, but time seems to be flying.  I feel like its still October and I just got my invite.  But somehow its January, a new year, and I only have 2 weeks until I leave the comfort of my life for the uncertainty of the unknown.  Time seemed to crawl during the application process and sprint by me since getting my invite. 

My friends asked me what I'm most afraid of going into Peace Corps, moving to Guyana. Honestly, everything is exciting at terrifying at the same time.  I'm scared of not lasting the full 27 months, of course going into I think I can, but when jumping feet first into the unknown, you never know what will happen.  I'm afraid of not fitting in, with my community and other volunteers, of not being prepared for life there and not being good at whatever my assignment is going to be.  It's probably going to be teaching,  but teaching in a poor school to kids who speak English is a lot different then teaching Korean students and well-off suburb of Seoul where I relied heavily on my computer. 

I'm scared of packing the wrong things, of life moving on and changing at home so much that I don't recognize it when I return.  I'm afraid of missing important events in my friends lives. We're that age where people are getting married, some even having kids.  I've imposed a strict 'No Getting Married In The Next 2 Years' rule on my friends, but they have their own lives. I'm scared of losing touch and being forgotten in jungle, feeling estranged from them.  And I know this isnt likely.  I have great friends and I've gone without seeing/talking to them for extended periods before. 

Whatever happens happens, I'll deal, I always do, and I'll have support from home and hopefully in-country as well. So, here's to having an adventure and following life wherever it takes you!

Too my awesomely amazing friends, I'm going to miss you all and can't wait to see you in Guyana!

Next up: Getting it together and packing...

Guy in blue (Matt) is married to girl in red (Jen). Guy in white tie (Anthony) dating girl in red and brown (Katie). Not that anyone's actually interested...