The students I was working with and myself are the ones who lost the most when I left. I lost experiences, opportunities, and now face the rather difficult task of explaining to people, potential employers, who have never been in PC, why I left. I lost out on more that I will ever know, an experience that I will never get back. The friends made during PC service share experiences that bond them, and if you aren't there for those experiences, that bond diminishes. I lost what could have been great friends because I wasn't there. That's not to say I'm not still friends with some people from my group, I am, just not as many and its not the same as it would have been had I stayed. And I feel like I failed, which isn't something I'm used to. But if nothing else, I learned never to make the mistake of quitting early again.
I'm not the only person from my group to leave. Other's ET'd before me, some were medically separated (though I don't think they were all unhappy about that), and others left for various other reasons. From the few I've talked to since returning, I don't think they have struggled with their decision to ET as much as I have. I can't seem to get over it. I wish I had taken more time to make the decision. I wish things had been different, that I had tried harder, that I had better training (or an assignment I was qualified for), that I had done whatever I had to in order to stay. I wish I could have a redo, a second chance, but that's not a possibility.
Applying for PC is a long process and I had been excited about serving. The reality of PC is nothing like what I had expected. I knew the work would be challenging, that being away from home and family would be a struggle sometimes, that integrating into my community would take work. What I didn't expect was the absolute lack of support I received from staff.
My advice for new volunteers is to keep your head down, don't make trouble, get through training, go to your site and have as little to do with staff as possible. Make your service your own, don't let others interfere with it, though I'm sure that's easier said than done.
I miss my community, the friends I made, I missed being there for my friends pregnancy and getting to meet her baby, and the opportunities that I missed and will continues to miss out on. This isn't to say that everyone regrets leaving, I'm just one who does. If ETing is the right decision for you, do for it, just make sure its what you really want as there is no turning back.
