Early Termination: Thoughts A Year And Some Months Later

My decision to end my Peace Corps service early is something, even over a year later, that I still struggle with.  Its not that my reasons for leaving weren't valid, its more that I wish I hadn't left because of them.  Well its true that my PC experience wasn't particularly good, I can't help but wonder if it would have gotten better, or would I have spend another year unhappy with what I was doing and at odds with staff? That's something I can't answer and wish I could.  Looking back, I'd rather be able to say that I stayed, whether things improved or not, and be able to answer that question.

The students I was working with and myself are the ones who lost the most when I left. I lost experiences, opportunities, and now face the rather difficult task of explaining to people, potential employers, who have never been in PC, why I left. I lost out on more that I will ever know, an experience that I will never get back. The friends made during PC service share experiences that bond them, and if you aren't there for those experiences, that bond diminishes. I lost what could have been great friends because I wasn't there. That's not to say I'm not still friends with some people from my group, I am, just not as many and its not the same as it would have been had I stayed. And I feel like I failed, which isn't something I'm used to. But if nothing else, I learned never to make the mistake of quitting early again.

I'm not the only person from my group to leave.  Other's ET'd before me, some were medically separated (though I don't think they were all unhappy about that), and others left for various other reasons. From the few I've talked to since returning, I don't think they have struggled with their decision to ET as much as I have.  I can't seem to get over it.  I wish I had taken more time to make the decision. I wish things had been different, that I had tried harder, that I had better training (or an assignment I was qualified for), that I had done whatever I had to in order to stay.  I wish I could have a redo, a second chance, but that's not a possibility.

Applying for PC is a long process and I had been excited about serving.  The reality of PC is nothing like what I had expected.  I knew the work would be challenging, that being away from home and family would be a struggle sometimes, that integrating into my community would take work.  What I didn't expect was the absolute lack of support I received from staff.

My advice for new volunteers is to keep your head down, don't make trouble, get through training, go to your site and have as little to do with staff as possible. Make your service your own, don't let others interfere with it, though I'm sure that's easier said than done.

I miss my community, the friends I made, I missed being there for my friends pregnancy and getting to meet her baby, and the opportunities that I missed and will continues to miss out on. This isn't to say that everyone regrets leaving, I'm just one who does.  If ETing is the right decision for you, do for it, just make sure its what you really want as there is no turning back.

If you're considering ETing, have ET'd, just have questions and or want to talk, feel free to message me.

Missing it!

What Happens When a PCVs Computer Dies?

The answer to this can vary and it depends on how much the PCV relies on her computer.  For me, it meant no blog posts for 4 months and using the internet/skyping through my old iPhone.  Also, stir-craziness and crafting can, and did, increase. Ends up you can make pretty cute boxy things out of toilet paper rolls! My computer is my connection to the world outside of Guyana.  It's how I keep in touch with people at home and (somewhat obsessively) plan for post-Peace Corps, from looking at grad-schools to planning out my backpacking trip at the very end.  I have a lot of free time and my computer allows me to watch movies and re-watch TV shows from home.  It helps make time go a little faster and keep craziness at bay.

Now, to play catch-up.  School started again in September and is not winding down for the Christmas vacation.  Guyana celebrated Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights. I spent the night going to different neighbors, visiting, and helping to light Diyas, small bowls filled with oil that are lit to signify the triumph of good over evil.  People put, generally, somewhere over 100 of these around their homes and let them burn all night.  At first this seemed a little dangerous since most homes are made of wood, but, at least in my community, all was fine!

In the days leading up to and the day of, people were setting off fireworks, little bomb things, and sparklers.  The fireworks and sparklers were fun, but the bomb things startled me every time! I went for a walk with two of my neighbors Diwali night and swear I almost got hit with the stupid things!
It was really a fun night and the Diyas all around were beautiful.  And we had a blackout for a few hours, so they also provided light.

Other than that, I don't think too much has happened in the last few months. I've settled into a routine that just isn't exciting enough to write about.   I just returned from a visit home, but there will be more to come on that later. 

It's Hard

Being away from home, missing family and friends, living in another culture, feeling underprepared and underqualified, handwashing your clothes, constantly being on the lookout for critters in your house, feeling pressured by your work and unproductive compared to other volunteers and your own expectations.  All of these things are hard to live with.  Really hard. 

Going into Peace Corps, I knew it was going to be difficult and a challenge to my boundaries.  I've lived abroad before, I knew before leaving for PC what to expect, was as prepared for it as I could be, but knowing that doesn't make being here easier.  What experience does provide is the knowledge that the onslaught of feelings and stresses eventually eases, its a constant ebb and flow, highs and lows.  Almost constantly emotionally draining.  Among volunteers here, being exhausted by 6pm and in bed by 8pm is pretty normal. 

We had our Re-Connect conference last month, and it was amazing, and crazy, and comfortable, almost too comfortable.  For a week all 31volunteers from GUY24 were in a nice hotel with hot showers, AC, 3 meals a day (plus snacks!), American TV, and the presence of friends, some of whom we hadn't seen since swear-in 3.5 months earlier.  It was great while it lasted, but coming back to site after was difficult.  I went from being with people, friends, constantly to spending lots of time alone (though I do spend a good portion of each day visiting with neighbors), back to my house, which never seems clean, and with none of the luxuries of hotel life.

Homesickness set in. We all go through ups and downs while we're here, and it's hard to cling to the ups while in the downs.  I was lucky the first few months and didn't have too many downs and rarely got homesick.  Adjusting back to regular life after living in a mini-America for a week sucks. I've definitely had more ups and downs recently then I did the first few months, but it's to be expected and I knew it was coming.  I miss family a lot, but I even miss the general conveniences of home and even the culture, which I can complain endlessly about but which is still normal and comforting.  I crave access to a variety of restaraunts, Trader Joes, Target, my favorite clothing stores, and basic materialistic goods that I don't have here, and in reality don't need, but that I find comfort and normalacy in.  I wouldn't trade this experience for those things, but I can't forget that they exist.

It's also summer vacation right now, which means lots of down time.  This is nice, alows for some quality relaxing and hammock time, but also just too much free time to fill.  When I applied for PC I knew from what I'd heard that I would have lots of free time and read a lot of books.  I just underestimated how much.  Once school starts up again I know I'll be busier and am hoping to start some projects outside of school, but for now I have time to be out in my community, spending time with neighbors, meeting new people, and getting to know the culture, and traveling to visit other volunteers. 

My feelings seems to be in a near constant flux, changing by the minute, hour, day, week.  But this is good.  It means when I am feeling homesick, frustrated, stressed, etc, that I know it will change, thinkgs will get better. In the end, while being here is hard, I know it will be worth it. 

I saw a quote recently that says, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."  Well, I'm out of my comfort zone, so I must be living life, hopefully to its fullest. 

And I know I've been a slacker about keeping this up to date, but I promise another blog with what I've actually been doing the last 3 months will be coming soon :-)

Life: 3 Months In

I've now been in Guyana for just over 3 months and at site for just over 1 month.  Time is a little crazy here; the days go by pretty slowly, the weeks fly by, and the months just seem to come and go.  When I think of being here in the terms of 2 years, I won't lie, I panic a bit.  Two years is a long time. But I think its going to be over before I realize it.  Guy22 has been leaving gradually over the last month, and watching them go has been...strange.  It's odd to think that in 2 years, my group will be the one leaving, that our time here will be over.  For now, that seems far off and I prefer to think in the shorter term (while obsessively looking at Master's programs for after)  and give myself things to look forward to.  This makes 2 years much less daunting.

During the week my life is pretty tame and I live on a schedule that goes something like this:

7:00-alarm goes off.  Hit snooze.

7:05-alarm goes off again. Either get up or hit snooze.

7:08-7:18-Enter bathroom, first checking for strange animals/creepy crawlies, once I've determined it safe, enter bathroom and have cold shower.
 
7:20-7:40-figure out what I clean/mostly clean clothes I have that match/somewhat match and get dressed.

7:40-7:45-look in fridge to determine if there is food for breakfast. Probably not.

7:45-8:05-alternately look on fb and lay in hammock. Maybe both. At the same time.

8:05-8:15-get ready to leave

8:15-8:45-walk to school. Hopefully its not raining.

8:45-3:00-at work. Trying to figure out what I'm doing/how to do it.

3:00-3:30-walk home in the blazing hot sun.

3:30-6:00-hang out at my neighbors and play with cute kids and/or veg at home on the internet.

6:00-8:30-at home. probably not doing much.

8:30-take laptop, go to bed, and fall asleep while watching movie.

8:30-7:05-Alternately be woken up by: dogs barking, trucks, and other strange sounds. Eventually remember that, yes, I do have ear plugs. Back to sleep.

I love my community and all my neighbors who have been nothing but welcoming.  The babies across the canal from me who I spend time with almost every day have learned to (kind of) say my name! I've now been taken to 3 different Mandir's and given (pretty bad) impromptu speeches at all. I've been to yoga at one of the Mandir's twice now.  I love it, but its more aerobic than what I've done at home.  I mean, I've never done squats or jumping jacks in a yoga class before.  There is also what I would consider normal, relaxing yoga, as well.

Work is a little crazy, though that's mostly because I still don't feel particularly confident in what I'm doing.  Teaching literacy is a lot harder that I expected, but I'm figuring it out.  I'm doing pull-out groups with just the lowest readers from each grade.  My classes have just started, but I'm hopeful they'll go well.  I'm going to take pictures at some point, but my school is basically a one-room wooden building on stilts.  The classrooms are divided by chalkboards, and the library and computer lab have their own rooms downstairs.

As for my house...well...it's been interesting.  I live in the downstairs and a family lives upstairs, but the stairs have been sealed, so its totally separate.  Maybe 2 weeks ago I had a tarantula, scary hairy legs and all, fall on me while I was in the shower. Definitely one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.  Though screaming, I was coherent enough to grab my towel as I ran away.  When no one responded to my shrieks of horror, I realized I was going to have to deal with the situation myself.  I put on my lime-green rainboots, grabbed my broom, and re-entered the chamber of horrors, also known as my bathroom.  With the assistance of my handy broom, I was able to kill the furry legged critter and continue on with my day, though I remain skeptical when entering the bathroom.

 Spider that fell on me in the shower. Death by broom.

Then it happened again.  Not a tarantula falling from the sky onto me, but critters invading.  I was contentedly laying in my hammock one night last week when I saw what I thought was a bat fly by.  I promptly screamed, leaped up, and went to see it where it landed on the window in my kitchen. Thankfully, it wasn't a bat, just a giant moth.  Unfortunately, that wasn't to be the end of my terror that night.  Once I realized it wasn't a bat, I became aware of other things.  There was a tarantula on my wall.  Yes, another black, furry, terrifying spider.  More screaming followed. Though that would be enough for any person for one night, I then noticed a big crappo (frog the emits some kind of poison when you get to close to it) and a baby crappo.  I now had a giant moth, a tarantula, and 2 frogs to cope with.

First, the worst of the offenders had to be dealt with.  The tarantula needed to go. I tried spraying it with Fish Spray (like Baygon, it kills bugs).  That only made it angry and run towards me. Insert more screaming. Realizing that wasn't going to work, I once again grabbed my broom and started trying to beat it to death.  It just wouldn't die! Every time I thought it had finally met its end, it would stop playing dead and come at me again.

At this point Tasha, my friend who lives upstairs, having heard all my yelping came down to help.  She was able to successfully kill the dreaded tarantula, and, with more yelps from both of us, we ushered the frogs away.  A carpenter is supposed to be coming this week to put screens on my windows and do something about the broken door that the frogs came in from and hopefully my land lord will be doing something to help keep the spiders away.  I don't know how many more tarantulas I can handle. Other than that, my house is nice.

My weekends are packed full.  I spend a lot of time in Georgetown (Town), have done 2 more has runs, which have both been fun and involved me getting caught in the rain and the 2nd wading through some pretty gross trenches, at night, and having to scoot around the cows and goats in the path.  Last Saturday was a holiday, Arrival Day, and I went to the nearby park with another PCV, Holly, to see the floats that were build like old houses and watch/listen to some Indian dancing/singing.

To go back in time a bit, Easter, which is celebrated on Monday here, was also lots of fun.  I painted eggs with friends, most were hard boiled, but we did do one the hard way: blowing the yoke out through a pin prick.  Hard work. I went to National Park and saw hundreds of kites being flown.  Kites are flown to symbolize the spirit of Jesus rising to Heaven.

I also went to Leguan, a secluded beach in the Essoquibo River, with some friends. There was some fire-side cooking, swimming in the rain, and general fun hanging out.

And I do get some awesome sunsets...

Hash Run

On Sunday I participated in my first ever Hash Run.  No, it's not what you're thinking.  These runs are done all over the world and it's basically a group of people who get together to do runs in different parts of the country.  It's not a marathon and I would say about 1/2 the people doing it, including me, walked it.  This run was in my region, which is why I went, and took us through some beautiful areas, including sugar cane fields.

The most entertaining part of the day was before the run even began when I was at the sea wall with a few others when Holly decided she wanted to touch the water.  Now, the tide was in so the water wasn't quite to the wall, but leading up to the wall is like slanted stone and slippery when wet.  So, of course, Holly fell in.  And couldn't get out.  Another PCV, Ricky, tried to rescue her.  Only he ended up slipping into the water as well.  With everything, including his phone, in his pocket.  Now, with 2 people in the water, a human chain was started to get them out.  It was really pretty entertaining to watch, though they did reek afterward. 

Anyway, after the run there was plenty of food and drinks.  It was a beautiful walk, a lot of fun, and I hope to be doing more of these runs/walks in different parts of Guyana.  Apparently they do some in the jungle!!!!

Also, I have my permanent address.  Letters and package always appreciated.  I love getting snail mail :-)

Lot 18
Lesperance
Canal #1
West Bank Demerara
Guyana, South America

Swear-In!

I'm officially a Peace Corps Volunteer! All 32 of us made it through training and became PCVs! It's actually the 1st time in at least 3 years that no one has dropped out during training, so YAY! We spent the week in a hotel in Georgetown having some sessions and hanging out.  The hotel even had AC and hot water!!!! Heavenly! This was on top of a pool and internet.  Pure amazingness.  It was a really good week.  It was great to all get to be together, including the remote people, and spend some time together before we head off in our own directions.


For the ceremony some of us dressed up in traditional outfits.  The remote people wore traditional Amerindian accessories, from grass skirts (over dresses/pants), to feather head pieces.  Some wore traditional African outfits, and others, including myself, wore traditional Indian outfits.  It really depended a lot on what ethnicity our host families were and it was a lot of fun.  Getting a sari on so that it doesn't fall off is really hard!

 All the girls in saris

 Roomies!

The Minister of Health, a representative from the Ministry of Education, and the U.S. Ambassador were among the speakers.  It was a nice ceremony, with two great speeches from fellow just-sworn-in volunteers, and an absolutely awesome video put together by Matt, that was probably the biggest highlight.

Anyway....I'M A PCV!!!!

 Korea poses

 The group with the Minister of Health, Ambassador Hart, Rep. from the Ministry of Education, our Country Director Brennan Brewer

Phagwah, Site Placement (!), and HFA

A lot has been going on in the last few days.  Thursday was Phagwah, Friday was site placement, and Saturday was Host Family Appreciation day.  So, I'm going to start by telling you about....

PHAGWAH

Phagwah is a Hindu festival of colors and is the celebration of the triumph of good over evil and the beginning of a new season, Spring. People go around throwing colored powder or colored we powder stuff at each other.  If you want to stay clean, the streets aren't safe. Just as a tidbit, the colored powder is basically dyed baby-powder and generally comes off of skin and out of clothes.  The wet stuff...well, if you're blonde your going to have multicolored hair for a while.  And its not going to come out of your clothes. 

I went to the Indian Cultural Center with a PCV and another friend.  It was amazing! There was tons of bright colored powder, kids with water-guns (to be avoided at all costs), and lots of fun.  The Prime Minister was there and he was also very effectively Phagwahed.  Its actually amazing the access people have to their public officials here.  If anyone tried throwing colored power on out VP, they would be taken down before the powder had a chance to hit.  Here, its totally acceptable, expected, to Phagwah officials.  I was an amazing experience and I can't wait to do it again next year!

Shaleenie, Me, Princess

SITE PLACEMENT!

We got our site placements! And as I'm writing this a little late, we've also has site visits!  I will be staying in West Demerara in Canal #1 Village! Not sure exactly what my new address will be, but I'll let you know when I do!  I'm going to be working at Two Brother's Primary school working mostly with teaching literacy to low-readers, phonics, and some Health and Family Life Education! It's a great school, only 97 students, 5 teachers, and a head mistress who seems pretty awesome!

Canal #1 is about 15-20 minutes from where I'm living during training.  I have mixed emotions about this.  I love the area, its super close to the capital, close to my friends and host family, but it's nowhere new.  I'm also 7 miles down the canal and the only food source are the fruit trees and small snack stands...so I'll be coming out frequently to get food.  I don't have another volunteer very close by, but its easy to get to Georgetown and there are 2 others from my group (Guy24) as well as a bunch of people from Guy23 here too!  

The area is actually pretty rural, especially considering its proximity to Georgetown.  I have goats, cows, chickens/roosters, and other random animals roaming around my yard as well as 2 dogs that come with my new place.  I'm living in the downstairs of a house with a family above.  The 2 dogs are actually the family's, but there outdoor dogs and always on my doorstep.  And super friendly.  My place is big, much bigger than I was expecting, with 2 bedrooms (that both have beds!), a big living area, and a bathroom that may be a little sketch.  It also cam with a hammock! Love! And gets lots of light!

But on to my sketch bathroom.  It's really not bad.  It's just that almost every time I opened the door there was another critter. This is how The Bathroom Saga went:

1. Giant spider=bashed to death by rolling pin.  Body left to rot.

2. Frog. Ignored. 

3.  Spider body gone.  Frog not to be found.

4.  Another giant spider.  Too fast for death my rolling pin.  Score: Me-1, Spider-1

5.  Return of the frog.  Put on my yellow rubber gloves, scared the frog, it peed, eventually got it into the bucket and outside.  

I also went through an insane amount of Baygon killing other flying insects.  Pretty sure I inhaled an unsafe amount...

I love my new home, I think I'm going to enjoy living in the Canal, and I can't wait for school to start!  Also, I have plenty of space for any of you to come visit me :-)

When it came to actually getting our assignments the PC staff had us play a game of bingo and each site and who was there was revealed one by one.  It was kind of torturous wondering when it was going to be you, but also really fun :)

 The Weapon

 The Victim

 The Cleaning Crew

My home!

HFA

The day after we got our site assignments was Host Family Appreciation day.  We prepared food, had a talent show of sorts, played games, ate, and expressed our appreciation for our families.  I absolutely love my host family, so it was something I wanted them to enjoy.  It actually started a little rocky due to bad weather and a lack of electricity, but we were able to pull it together and it was really a lot of fun!

A group of us did an "Indian" dance.  We practiced a few times beforehand, but we ended up editing about 5 minutes before. It wasn't the most perfect/coordinated of dances, but it was good, we had fun doing it, and the families enjoyed it, either despite or because of the mistakes I can't say for sure.

 Cake!

  Everyone with their families

Mashramani! And other....

I've now been in Guyana for over a month and I'm still loving it! My host family is still awesome and Maria makes the BEST flan ever...and she made it tonight :-)

Another trainee here posted what a typical day is like. It's spot on, so I'm stealing it (thanks Lauren). A day here usually goes something like this:

12:00am – 6:26am: wake up intermittently to the sounds of dogs barking, roosters crowing, babies screaming, music blaring, and other not readily identifiable noises. 

6:26am: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze.

6:30amAlarm goes off again. Actually get up and into cold shower.

6:40am-7:20am: do normal getting ready routine, with the added step of applying sunscreen and anti-itch cream to your bug bites.Choose clothing that will minimize sweating while still trying to follow dress code.

7:30am-7:55am: Go to neighboring volunteer's house, wait for other volunteers and walk to training.

8:00am-8:15am: wait for the doors to be unlocked and mill with the other trainees referencing many common topics such as what kept you up last night, how was washing laundry, or have you tried this fruit?

Somewhere around 8:30: actually start class

8:30am-9:50am: point of the day where a trainee is maximally engaged.

9:50am-10:00am: think only of your snack or of getting a snack

10:00am-10:15am: break!!

10:30am-12:00am: trainees concentration is faltering. Minds drift towards lunch.

12:00pm-1:00pm walk home and eat lunch. Try to convince your host mom that you can’t eat an entire plate of rice

1:00pm-4:30pm: sit listlessly, pining for the moments when the fan turns and faces you. 

4:30-8:30pm: Change out of sweat drenched clothing.Rinse off the accumulated sweat, sunscreen, bug spray, and dust. Flop down on bed. Attempt to do homework or journal. Maybe watch a pirated movie supplied by various Peace Corps Volunteers.

9:00pm-11:59pm: Drift to sleep whilst being serenaded by the sounds of dogs barking, roosters crowing, babies screaming, music blaring, and other not readily identifiable noises.

I do have some awesome ear plugs that help cut back on the random noises heard throughout the night/morning, but they usually come out :-/ Training is rough and I keep hearing from current PCV's that its the worst part of PC service. Though, having all 24 of us together is nice since we have people around to socialize with who understand our frustrations, excitement, etc.  But still, the actual training part isn't so much fun. 

On to more exciting stuff! Guyana has a crazy amount of holidays which is pretty awesome since we get the day off to celebrate.  February 23, was Mashramani, or Republic Day.  I spent the day (10:30am-8pm) in Georgetown enjoying the parade with 3 other PCT's (Peace Corps Trainees).  And I got badly sunburnt, though not quite as bad as another girl I was with, despite several coatings of sunblock.  I guess SPF30 just isn't strong enough for me here.  Need to buy: SPF 120.

The Mash parade is certainly interesting.  The first float to go by in the morning was a group of white missionaries waiving Jesus flags.  Maybe 30mins later the real floats started coming by with people from the ministries and other organizations all dressed up.  Now, floats in parades here are a little different then at home.  For the most part the one's here are trucks with speakers followed by the participants in that organization on foot.  

All these people dressed up and following the floats are generally arranged in lines going boy, girl, boy, girl, etc.  The floats stop and the grinding begins. By early afternoon the grinding had progressed to some seriously dirty dancing.  There is a really popular song here called 6:30.  The basic point of the song is that girls position themselves like they're the hands on a clock when the time is 6:30 and grind, or what's really done here, wind, up on the male behind them.  I encourage you to youtube winding.  It's what I saw all day. 

It was a good day, despite the sunburn that is still pealing. (Gross!) 


This Thursday is another holiday, Pagwah, a Hindu celebrations involving lots of different colored powders being thrown at people.  I'm pretty psyched. And then Friday is site placement!!!! I'm excited/terrified for that all at once.  I'm hoping to be placed in/near where I currently live, but I know that's highly unlikely.  I'm preparing for some crazy rural site, but hoping for more urban, though mostly I just want to be near another volunteer.  Anyway, it's going to be an interesting week and I can't wait!

The Land of Many Mosquitos

I've officially been in Guyana for a full week now! It's crazy; its feels like I've been here forever and like I just got here (which, really, I did) at the same time. We, all of us GUY24er's, arrived at around 8am on 2/1 after spending a night in Philly and the previous night at JFK got off the plane  and went straight to Splashmins resort where we spent our first 3.5 days in country getting basic instructions and doing some training.

Some people from group before us, GUY23, met us at the airport with a giant Peace Corps banner with much yelling and hoopla.  As I was going around the corner, where I  couldn't see them yet one of the guys who works at the airport told me to "just smile."  I had no idea what he was talking about, but I did, and I was glad for it.  Even without that heads-up it would have been impossible not to smile with such an enthusiastic greeting. They were loud enough to actually get us into the local newspaper, or, at least, that's the rumor.

 At the airport in Guyana

The first few days at Splashmins were a whirlwind and I'm pretty sure we were just about all in that really-tired but to excited to sleep mode so we were all just a little crazy.  A big group of us played a giant game of volleyball on the riverbank which was good fun.  Later we went on a boat ride into some jungle-ish area which was really pretty cool to see. Overall it was a pretty amazing time, got the group bonding, and were provided with some good info from the staff as well as current PCV's who were amazing in answering all our questions!

 One the boat tour

On Saturday we were broken into 2 groups, or Survivor tribe's as one volunteer calls them, remote and not-remote.  I am happy to say I am in the not-remote group!  I went with the 22 other volunteers to West Demerarra (?) where we will be until the end of March when we swear-in.  We arrived at our training site to see that our host families were already there and couldn't wait to find out who we were going to be living with!

 We had a scavenger hunt to find out if we would be remote/not-remote.

We had to find our name and people with pink

paper are remote and yellow is not-remote.

My host family is awesome!  My host-mom, Maria, is Cuban, and admitted right away to being a little crazy, but in a good way.  And coming from my family, is totally normal :-) My host-dad is currently working the bush and I probably wont meet him at all, but his 15 year-old son, Tito, is here.  He's always doing something, but he's cool.  He's spent time in the US and speaks American English to me which means I can actually understand him which is nice.  Though, I do need to master Creolese eventually. We have another man from Cuba, Jorge, who lives here also, and he is also pretty awesome.  He's been here longer than my host-mom and so speaks better English, though Maria's is also good.  We have a nice system worked out where Jorge speaks Spanish with me so I can practice and I speak English with Maria so she can practice.  And Maria makes some amazing Cuban food, including some absolutely delicious flan.

I also live right next to 2 current volunteers and within walking distance of another 3 girls from my group.  Overall, its a pretty ideal situation!

Monday was a holiday, that have something like 14 here, so our week didn't begin until Tuesday.  We met at the training site, had some sessions together and some separated by sector: health and education. The next few weeks are going consist of a lot of training, school visits, and general orientating.  Tomorrow is the first visit to the school I will be at for the next couple of weeks, so that should be interesting.  We don't find out our permanent sites for another couple of weeks, and I'm nervous, but can't wait!

Also, on the side and below I've added my current mailing address.  Packages and/or letters would be awesome! If any of you decide to send a package it would be most welcome and it's recommended to put a picture of Jesus or write something like "God is watching" on the box.


The address is:

[My Name]
U.S. Embassy
c/o Peace Corps
100 Duke and Young Streets
Kingston, Georgetown
Guyana, South America

And be sure to add South America or it could end up going to Ghana :)

So far I'm loving it here, but I do miss you all at home!

P.S. If you send a package candy, like Ghiradelli milk-chocolate caramel, and cheez-its are always delicious :-)

P.P.S I think I've gotten more mosquito bites in the last week than I have in the last 7 yrs :-/

When Goodbyes Begin and Panic Sets In

With this weekend came the first of the Goodbyes. I had a great weekend out, beginning with a night out in D.C. It ends up that a rather good portion of my friends either live in the D.C. or are closer to it then to Wilmington, which actually worked out quite nicely :-) It was the first time most of us had been out together despite having been friends for a dozen or so years.  It was nice to be able to get it together and hang out with some great friends.

It was the first time we were all together in along time and the first time we had been out at all with husbands and boyfriends.  Lucky guys ;-) Though, really, I can't believe even one of us (Jen) is married. I'm starting to feel old :-(

And I got to see some faves from Korea time! Wish I had gotten to spend more time with them, it was awesome to see people I saw all the time during my year and Korea and like not at all since being home. 

You two better make the trip to Guyana!

I spent the night watching movies and drinking wine with another of my favorites, Glynnis! Unfortunately, no pics. Overall, a pretty awesome weekend!

And it was the beginning of the 'Goodbyes' First with Jen and Matt and continuing from there.  It was really kind of surreal; it didn't feel like I was leaving them for 2 years, it felt like any other 'See ya later' kind of goodbye. Some are planning to visit, and I think a few actually will and I don't necessarily see them that often when I'm home anyway.  But they are accessible by phone and we do talk a lot, I know what's going on in their lives and see them when possible.  That's not going to be so easy from Guyana. I know there's Skype, but who knows if I'll have electricity, much less internet.

So, I made it through saying goodbye to my closest friends without tears or panic.  However, despite having slept very little Friday and Saturday, come Sunday night I couldn't fall asleep.  I was just laying in bed, mid running in circles, thinking 'What the hell am I doing? Why do I want to leave the comfort and security of home and friends?' My mind was spinning.  I 'm excited to go, don't get me wrong, but time seems to be flying.  I feel like its still October and I just got my invite.  But somehow its January, a new year, and I only have 2 weeks until I leave the comfort of my life for the uncertainty of the unknown.  Time seemed to crawl during the application process and sprint by me since getting my invite. 

My friends asked me what I'm most afraid of going into Peace Corps, moving to Guyana. Honestly, everything is exciting at terrifying at the same time.  I'm scared of not lasting the full 27 months, of course going into I think I can, but when jumping feet first into the unknown, you never know what will happen.  I'm afraid of not fitting in, with my community and other volunteers, of not being prepared for life there and not being good at whatever my assignment is going to be.  It's probably going to be teaching,  but teaching in a poor school to kids who speak English is a lot different then teaching Korean students and well-off suburb of Seoul where I relied heavily on my computer. 

I'm scared of packing the wrong things, of life moving on and changing at home so much that I don't recognize it when I return.  I'm afraid of missing important events in my friends lives. We're that age where people are getting married, some even having kids.  I've imposed a strict 'No Getting Married In The Next 2 Years' rule on my friends, but they have their own lives. I'm scared of losing touch and being forgotten in jungle, feeling estranged from them.  And I know this isnt likely.  I have great friends and I've gone without seeing/talking to them for extended periods before. 

Whatever happens happens, I'll deal, I always do, and I'll have support from home and hopefully in-country as well. So, here's to having an adventure and following life wherever it takes you!

Too my awesomely amazing friends, I'm going to miss you all and can't wait to see you in Guyana!

Next up: Getting it together and packing...

Guy in blue (Matt) is married to girl in red (Jen). Guy in white tie (Anthony) dating girl in red and brown (Katie). Not that anyone's actually interested...

Yes, no, I don't know!

I've changed my blog! Title, background, you know, the fun stuff.  I got bored and decided this needed to be updated. There's a good chance it will change again soon as I was having issues deciding which background I liked....

I've started buying everything I think I need to take with me to Guyana.  At this point I'm only slightly worried that everything won't fit and my luggage will be too big/heavy and I'm sure as it gets closer to the time to actually start packing I'll worry more about this.  Getting ready to go is rough. I'm already going through the 'Yes, no, I don't know!'s of packing. I don't know where my permanent site is going to be or if I'll have running water/electricity there, so I feel the need to take everything that I might need if I don't have the general comforts of life in the U.S. (ie running water/electricity)  with me. Though, in truth, when applying for PC I didn't really expect to be going somewhere with those luxuries. Or internet access.  I pictured myself in a mud hut in the African bush, but if you give me the option of having electricity and running water or not, well, I'm probably going to chose to have them, though it would definitely be interesting to live without for 2 years.

I go shopping every 2 weeks and promptly run out like the shopaholic I may be to spend just about my entire paycheck.  This needs to stop.  I might need stuff to take with me, and there are still some necessities (bathing suit, bug spray, anti-itch, cream, you get my drift) that I need to buy.  But I need to save money so I actually have some when I get there, can travel, and go on vacation.  Otherwise I really will have to subsist, food, vacations, and all, on my Peace Corps stipend.  That's fine when in country and in my community, I really am going to try to live off of it and live like the locals.  But I know myself well enough to know that I'm going to not only want, but most likely need a vacation out of country.  On a nice beach somewhere, just to relax.  Unless I want trek through the jungle and camp for my vacation, which is also a possibility.  Chances are, I'm going to want to do both: trek and beach. Perhaps, if I have electricity, I'll get internet or a refrigerator.  Which will surely cost money.  So the spending needs to stop. And I plan to stop spending, really, I do.  My next paycheck will pay off my credit card (YAY!) and be the last one I use totally for buying stuff to take with me. Seriously, I'm not going to have room for or want to lug around everything I've already bought anyway.

For my friends who are thinking of coming to visit, well, you may be 'roughing it' a bit compared to American standards, but there are things to see and do to make up for it. Like visit Kaieteur Falls, the largest single drop waterfall in the world. And yes, I really do want you to come visit, hence the pretty picture :-)

The fact that the temperature in my house usually hovers around 59, which, for me, is way to cold, makes me even more excited to get to Guyana!  The volunteers who are there now have also been super helpful with answering questions and making Guyana seem like an awesome place to be, so shout out to them! Time is really flying.  This holidays make time seem to go so much faster and I feel like I'm going to be leaving for staging before I know it.  It's going to sneak up on me, like a spider in the dark, but less terrifying....I hope....

Things I'm enjoying and going to miss later: getting clothes straight out of the dryer, all nice and toasty warm, and putting them on...MmMmm warm....Grapes. Oh, how I'm going to miss grapes...Is it possible they have grapes in Guyana...? Something to look into....

I came across the Prayer of St. Francis recently and though I know I've heard it before, this time it struck me differently.  I don't think I'd ever really paid much attention to it before, but I'm going to do what someone else I know does everyday. Read it. It's motivational and helps me to remember what I want to do with my life and why I do the things I do.  Now, the church I've been volunteering at is a Franciscan church.  And most of the volunteers, including Yanil, who I teach with, are all part of Franciscan organization.

How I haven't heard this prayer in the last few months or made the connection between them and St. Francis and this prayer, I don't know. For those of you who don't know, I'm not particularly religious. That's not to say I don't have religion, or spirituality, or faith.  I just don't practice religion in the traditional sense.  This prayer really makes sense to me, and I'm going to remind myself of it daily so that I can strive to be more positive in my daily lifeand to be inspired by its meaning.

Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

INVITE!!!!!!!!

My invite arrived yesterday!!!!!! I turned into a little bit of a crazy person with the shrieking and jumping up and down when I saw it outside my door, but oh well!  I did startle my step-father though.  He was in the house and thought something was wrong when I started freaking out. Ooops. Anyway, onto the important stuff.

I'm going to GUYANA!!! 

I've been invited as a Community Education Promoter.  As far as I can tell this means I'll be teaching literature and working with PTAs, but I'm still pretty vague on what it is I'll really be doing.  Guess I'll find out when I get there! I leave January 30th.  I was actually kind of surprised to get Guyana.  I work with a woman from there and asked her a bit about it when I found out my time of departure and thought it might be there.  She said they really only speak English there and as I had been told there were indigenous languages, I crossed it off.  Not a bad surprise!

Guyana is in South America, above Brazil, and is culturally Caribbean.  Best of all: its warm all year! Right now, when I'm pretty cold, this is even more appealing.  Hopefully I'll still appreciate the warmth once I'm there, in the humidity, and most likely sweating like crazy.  I've already been shopping too. I've got 3 new pairs of sandals and some summer/early fall clothes that were on sale. I figured I better get what I can now while it's still around.  If I tried getting this stuff in January I might have a little bit of trouble....

My aunt was doing some research and found that 90% of the population lives on the coast.  From what I've seen online from volunteers who are there now, most of them are also on the coast.  And apparently PC tries to group people together, so no one is totally alone.  I'm personally hoping to be placed on the coast with a few other people near by. But I won't find out until I've been there for around 3 months, so expect another post with lots of !!!!! around April. 

SO EXCITED!!!!

Final Interview!!!!!!

I just had my final interview. My invitation is being mailed today!!! AHHHHH!!! SO EXCITED!!!!  I'm being invited as a Community Education Promoter!!! To somewhere is C/SA leaving in late January! So maybe El Salvador or Guyana?  My PO said somewhere Spanish speaking, but where there are local, indigenous languages.  Where volunteers are usually placed in the interior of the country, probably with little access to electricity.  Not thrilled about that bit, but it would definitely being interesting and a learning experience!

How long does it take to get mail from DC to Delaware? Maybe I'll have it by Saturday??? I can always hope...

For those of you going through the process my interview took about 30 mins and here are the questions I was asked:

1. What are your reasons for wanting to join PC?
2. How does your family feel about your decision?
3. How would you cope with living in an isolated area? Without structure in your day?
4. When can you leave?
5.  How have you been preparing for PC since you began applying?

There may have been more, but I think  that was the biggest part. It's really not bad, really just a conversation. Though, if your anything like me, you'll have butterflies anyway :-)

SO EXCITED!!! I can't wait to get my invite!!!!

Can I do what?!?

I have my final interview on Wednesday! SO EXCITED! I emailed my placement assistant last Wednesday since it had been 6 weeks since I had sent in my updated resume and I hadn't heard anything. She emailed me back saying I would hear from my placement officer in the next 2 weeks.

He emailed 30 minutes later and I set up a time for my final interview. I received another email from him today with some questions:

1. What's your phone number? Please update you'r toolkit.

2. Are you able to bike? Yes.....(here I can sense what the next question will be. Getting prepared)

3. If you can ride a bicycle, would you be able to ride, say 7-10 miles per day? Yeah, probably....maybe....

4. Would you be able to ride up to 20 miles per day? (i.e. 10 miles each way to your work site) Ummm....I'm sorry? Yeah, probably not.

I actually started laughing when I read the last question. I made the mistake of emailing him back saying that I could do it.  I'm going to have to retract that statement.  I'd love to be able to and I think I could work up to it, but I wouldn't be able to right when I got there (wherever there may be).

For anyone who is waiting to hear something, I encourage contacting them. It can help. More to come on Wednesday....

Jobs, Volunteering, and Contact

Sitting around, relaxing, doing nothing is all well and good for a little while.  Unfortunately, it can quickly become pretty boring.  So far I've been doing just this for about 2 weeks since I got home.  I'm not bored yet and I've managed to give my self at least one thing productive to do everyday, but I will be glad when I become busier.  Which should be pretty soon.

I've been extremely luck where jobs are concerned.  I don't need anything great since I'm hoping to only be home for 6-7 months and just want something with decent pay.  I was offered a job catering and was just offered the opportunity to return to the bank I was working for last summer before I left for Korea.  I'm taking the bank job as I loved it there and the pay was better. Having a job is such a relief and I'm really happy to be going back to somewhere I enjoy working.

I'm also set to begin ESL teaching 2 days a week with Spanish speakers beginning next month.  This is perfect! It's a church in the city for 2 hours a night, 2 nights a week.  I'll get to listen to/practice some Spanish while volunteering.  I'm also hoping to find someone there who would be interested in doing a language exchange with me so I can get some additional practice and help with my Spanish.

In addition to this I think I'll be volunteering at the ACLU starting next month.  For this, I have to thank my incredibly kind neighbors.  They invited me over for dinner last week with them and the director of the Delaware ACLU.  For someone who eventually wants to go to law school, this would be an amazing experience and a great opportunity to be around lawyers.

Now, to totally switch topics, I had contact from the placement office today! They asked for my updated resume, which I sent and which included both volunteer opportunities above.  I'm hoping it was in the right format, there are no problems, and that I'll here from a placement officer soon.  As much patience as applying for PC takes, when you do get news it's really exciting! I'm hoping things keep moving forward and I'll have some real updates soon!

Cleared!

I've finally been given medical clearance! A couple of years ago I was having some major family problems and was prescribed anxiety/anti-depression medication by my primary physician.  Well, since it wasn't prescribed by a psychologist I was told I needed to get a mental health evaluation done.  My pre-service nurse emailed me at the end of July with this information.  At the time I was still in South Korea where I called around to see if any English-speaking doctors could do this.  I found one who was willing, but he was going to charge about $700 to do it.

Needless to say that was way out of my price range, so I decided to wait until I went home in a couple of weeks to do it.  I returned to Delaware at about 11:30pm on August 13th and was able to get in to see a psychologist on the 18th.  He's someone who is familiar with me and my family and knew what had happened and what my father is like.  I faxed in his evaluation, which was glowing, the next morning.  Less than a week later and I've been cleared! Another step closer to hopefully getting an invitation!

I noticed in the meantime that invitations for programs departing in February, my nomination month, have started going out, which has made me nervous.  I'm really hoping to talk to a placement officer really soon so my program doesn't get filled up before I'm ready.  Hopefully it will all work out on time, just have to wait and see!

Anyway, I've made it back home! Been here for a little over a week and am loving it!  The weather is amazing and I've been enjoying spending time with family and friends and reading/tanning on my deck.  Looking for a job though.  That's not so much fun.  I'm hoping to go back to where I was working last summer, but for now I'm enjoying relaxing :-)

Delay's Suck

I'm now under medical review.  Yay! I'm excited to have things moving forward.  Almost exactly 3 weeks from submitting my medical kit and I'm under review! However, I'm already facing a delay.  They want me to see one additional doctor and get some more paperwork done.  And, of course, I can't do this right away. And I hate being delayed :-p

I'm leaving Korea in 2 weeks.  What I need to get done would cost about $700 here, mostly because I need someone who speaks English fluently and they can charge more.  Sooo not paying that much. Which means waiting at least 2 weeks until I get home to do it.  Plus the time it takes to have the paperwork filled out. Probably another 3 weeks until I can send it in. Delays SUCK.

Invitations are being sent out now for my invitation time and this delay makes me nervous.  What if my program is filled by the time I have all my info in? I'm going to try not to worry and work on being patient.  It's practice for if I am invited and go. 

I have 2 weeks left in Korea, so I'm going to try to make the most out of it.  Most of it is going to be spent desk-warming at school with nothing really to do, so I'm going to apply for jobs at home.  Wish me luck!

Back it up, back it up

I was so excited to be dentally cleared and moving forward in the application process, so of course there has to be an 'And then...' I was really hoping everything was just going to go totally smoothly, no trouble at all.  And, really, this isn't a big deal at all, more a minor annoyance.

I applied from South Korea.  I did all my blood tests, physical, all that good stuff here. That has all made it to PC.  However, I emailed pre-service to make sure my medical records and psych evaluation that my mom mailed in separately also made it and were with my other stuff.  No such luck.  Mind you, I had asked before if it would be alright to mail stuff separately and was told that was fine.  Well, the email I got back from pre-service  said this:

Items mailed separately can take a long time to find.  Your physical exam is here but not your mental health/psychological forms.  You may want to gather all the documents together, verify them against the checklist and mail them in again.

Pre-Service Unit.

This doesn't make any sense.  Why should I spend at least $100 to get all my paperwork together AGAIN and mail it to the States, especially since they already have most of it.  So, we exchanged emails and I pointed out that OMS had told me before that mailing/faxing my medical records and psych evaluation was fine, and should I just fax in another copy? Yes, that's fine.  Inconvenient and annoying, but doable.  My mom, wonderful as she is, is going back to my doctor at home to get another copy of my medical record and have her fill out another psych evaluation, then fax it in to PC this week.  Hopefully my  doctor made a copy of the psych evaluation when she did it the first time. 

  It's going to get taken care of and my mom is going to fax it in with a nice cover letter asking them to, please, immediately put it with my other papers since it's the second time it's been sent.  I'm going to be home in a month, which is great, and will hopefully mean that if there are any more problems I can take care of them myself and not have to rely on my mom so much.  On the downside, I won't have insurance, so I'm REALLY hoping everything is in order by then and I don't have to go to the doctor/do any more tests.  Anyway, so that's that. 

I may have taken a step back in the process, but I know I'll keep moving forward, its just a (very) minor setback, that may not be a setback at all depending on when all my paperwork makes it together and when they began doing my medical review.  So, really, probably no problem at all....

Steps

I've been dentally cleared!!!! I know, its really not that exciting, but it brings me one step closer.  I was actually really surprised that my tool kit was updated and that I had already been dentally cleared.  I only mailed my med kit (via DHL) on Tuesday, so it would have arrived at PC sometime Wednesday morning.  From what I had been reading on other peoples' timelines it seemed like it usually took at least week, usually more, for PC to update the toolkit to say that the med kit had been received. It's nice when things happen quickly, though I don't think anything else is going to happen for a while now.  This is what my toolkit now says next to Physical:

"Peace Corps received the results of your physical exam on July 6, 2011. If the program you are nominated for is not scheduled to leave in the next 4 months you may not hear from Medical until the time of departure is closer. Currently those programs scheduled to leave in the next 4 months are being reviewed. For applicants leaving within 4 months Peace Corps may request additional medical information. Please respond quickly to these requests."

Sooo....looks like I'm going to be waiting a few months.  My nomination has a tentative departure date of February, just about 7 months away.  However, I still have hope.  Maybe, for whatever reason, I will be reviewed (and hopefully cleared) soonish.

Anyway, I stumbled upon this video yesterday and it made me smile. Enjoy!

Choices

I was finally able, after 2 weeks of waiting, to go pick up my blood test results and finish my medical packet.  The doctor at the international clinic is only in every-other week, so it delayed when I could finish everything by several days.  BUT for anyone applying from South Korea, on the off chance that you read this, Seoul National University Hospital is awesome!  They are so helpful and so patient.  They made what could be an incredibly frustrating experience not so bad.

I was lucky enough to be going through the medical process there with another PC nominee who was really on-top of everything.  Since we were doing our paperwork on the same schedule it was easier to explain how it all needed to be, that we needed all our results in English.  The nurses and doctor really helped with everything; translating, getting exactly what we need.  Plus, last year they had helped a couple other nominees do the same paperwork, so some of the nurses were already familiar with what we needed.  Anyway, everything is complete (I hope).  I've gone through it all so many times I've lost count, written several personal statements in the hope of avoiding delays, and am going to DHL after work today to mail it.  Fingers crossed that I make it into the 15% of nominees who aren't medically delayed for further information/paperwork errors.

Doing this all from South Korea means that I have been relying pretty heavily on my mom to help me get paperwork and general help from home.  I can't even out into words how thankful I am to her.  She went to my doctor's office several times, picked up the paperwork, made sure it had everything I needed and put it in the mail.

With my original papers I had to send in a notarized letter from my mom saying that she would make payments on my one student loan that can't be deferred  if I do serve with PC.  She scanned it to me and I sent in the copy with everything else.  Well, my recruiter, who had emailed be Tuesday to get my unofficial transcripts, which somehow hadn't made it into the original paperwork, to complete my file, emailed me again on Thursday to say that her boss had just informed her that they needed the original letter.  And could my mom possibly drive to NYC to drop it off? Well, no she can't.  But she did run home after work, pick up the letter, go to FedEx and have it mailed to it would get to my recruiter by 10:30am the next day, Friday.  Seriously, I'm so thankful for her and how great she is to me.

Now, the rush that my recruiter put on getting all my papers together and having everything finished on her end by last week makes me wonder whats going on.  I have been nominated for a February departure, so does that mean that everything is going to be rushed through? Or is that just how they operate?  February is still pretty far away, so I wouldn't think everything would be rushed, but I hope it is.  I want to have everything done and (hopefully) be invited as soon as possible.  Seriously, waiting is the worst.

Anyway, on a different note, I've had to make some choices.  We all do, that's what life is about.  I've always planned on going to law school.  I've taken the LSAT, applied, and was admitted into school for this coming year.  I emailed my school was offered a one-year deferral.  I didn't say that it was because of Peace Corps, but because of money.  Which is true.  Coming to Korea I had planned to save so much money.  That has not happened.  At all.  So I have this deferral.  I have to email them by tomorrow to accept/decline it.

I'm going to accept.  If Peace Corps doesn't work out for some reason, them I'm still covered for next year.  If it does work out, then I re-take the LSAT and apply to schools again.  I feel like this is a pretty good life-plan.  Plus, the school I was planning to go to has been amazing about everything.  It would probably still going to be the school I choose if I do PC and put school off for a couple more years.  I've never had a goo experience with university offices, but they really have been so nice and easy to work with.


Life is full of choices.  We have to decide what is best for us and sometimes we have to veer off the course we had set for ourselves.  I'm happy with my decisions and can now only hope that everything works out for the best.